betchslap banana

Raspberry Dawn

2008-11-09T01:52:00.001-05:00

Raspberry. No. Black cherry.
“Godamnit”
I reached into my pocket, penetrating the opening in the tiny slit that should be the size of a pocket but never is. Have you noticed they started making pockets smaller? And I’m talking jean pockets. They’re so godamn small it makes me sick. I mean, are you kidding me? Seriously. It’s like you try to reach for your phone and by some grace of God you get it on that last ring, or you fucking break your hand trying to get to it. I swear. And they don’t even care either because everyone just bitches about it when it happens but you never think about any other time.
Or how about when your total is like $4.98 and you’re trying to get rid of your cash and you know you have three pennies but when you try to reach for them, you never find them because the pockets are too damn small. And of course there’s a line and people are giving you that “I-hate-you” look like they’re going to strangle you over a Clark Bar. I hate pennies.
I remember this one time I was at Goodwill and for some reason there were a whole bunch of people there that normally wouldn’t have been there. And the lines were really long, well one line. Oh! It was half-off day and everything in the store was like half-off. I remember because I hit up four Goodwills that day. The one in Heartland, the one in Plainfield which sucks but I always sucker myself into going thinking that each time will be the time I actually find something good. I never have. You know, I think I honestly never found one thing ever in that Goodwill. Ever. Just, ever. Oh! And the one on West Washington street, the ghetto one, and the one in Greenwood.
For all the thrifting I did that day, I don’t think I really found anything. I just know that all the old ladies and carpetbaggers already hit ‘em up and all the good shit was snatched by some grandma reaching for that fine-quality. I have nightmares of people buying something I want at Goodwill, worse is the D.A.V. I’m nearly in tears when I think about some grandma buying MY grandma jewelry box. Just because she’s a grandma doesn’t’ give her the right to buy up everything that has a hint of grandma to it. I mean, can you not save some for the rest of us? Seriously.
Anyway, I found this amazing purple globe, it was pretty small but really, really nice and it was in the old sailing style like the oceans were “mar” and stuff and it was really nice. Oh and Russia was “Tatar” and it was really cool. So I snatched it up and it was $4.98 or something and I needed those mythical three pennies. Now, I KNOW that I had three pennies but I was wearing my super-girlie emo jeans I got from Goodwill. OH! That’s what I got that day! A really cute pair of girlie jeans that are so effing tight I swear. So cute. And cheap! They were like $4.98 or something. So I was looking for these pennies, searching for these pennies and I couldn’t because the pants were so tight so I just gave up and swiped my card. Those godamn pennies! The bane of my existence.
“Hey, which one was the one that tastes like grandma’s cough syrup?” I yelled into the phone.
“Uhh… hold on… no, I think it was the black cherry.” T protested.
“No, because that’s what we said last time and…”
“Yeah, hold on”
“…and it ended up tasting grandma”
“K says that it’s Black cherry”
“Black cherry what?”
“Black cherry that what?”
“That’s what I just…”
“Black cherry that tastes like grandma”
“Oh, ok. No! because that’s what we got last time and it was like downing Nyquil and if…”
Silence. That fucker hung up on me! Fuck him! Wait. The phone is probably jank and died or something. No! He’s just a douche and dropped it or something. I swear to God he’s such a fucking idiot. Well not really, he just acts like one. Just because you act like something doesn’t mean you are, right? Maybe. I mean, like you can be something but just because you are that in one instance doesn’t mean you always are. Yeah! And you can seem a certain way, like people might think you are a bitch, but you might just be having a bad day. It’s not your fault you are a bitch. I mean, yeah, you can control it sometimes, but show me a person who isn’t a betch at least some of the time for no reason. It just happens. And if you had a bad day on top of that, oh gawd the fire and brimstone. So, to clarify, it’s ok to be a bitch to people sometimes, they’ll get over it later.
The phone rings. It’s T
“…omg. Ok. Sorry.” He laughs. “I dropped the bowl and we had to pull over to find it.”
“Ha! Omg are you kidding me? Fatass! Put down the McDonalds, the bowl, that glass of wine…”
T laughs.
“…that cigarette”
“Actually we just got McDonalds and K is smoking a cigarette.” He laughs.
“it’s a clove!” K yells into the phone, stressing the difference.
“And I am finishing up that bottle of wine we—you—got last night. Hell yes!”
“So Oliver is good?”
“Why yes, Uncle Oliver is doing great. He’s, he’s doing just fine!” We laugh.
“Hell yes! So…”
“C called me”
“Oh? What did…”
“She said she’s home”
“Cool. Home where?”
“Here.”
“Oh… What’s she doing?”
Now, I knew perfectly well what she was doing, but the truth is, I’m not in the mood for her bag of bullshit. She’s either in a puss mood or in a great mood. You never know. You can never tell. And that’s the worst. I’m not in the mood. I’m not gambling. I’m over it. I bet she was sitting at home on her fat doing nothing when some cute guy gave her his number. Or she was hanging out with her cousin doing something that has nothing to do with anything and sounds annoying just thinking about it.
The truth is, she wasn’t always like that. Actually, she was. She’s always been like that. She’s all over the place really. A real crazy, bi-polar bitch. But I love her. I guess. I mean, if she died, I’d definitely go to her funeral, but I’d rather not hang out with her. She annoys me, honestly. She thinks that nobody understands what it’s like to be a twenty-something and not know what you’re going to do with your life, and because she’s black that people owe her something. You know how it goes. Even though all her friends are white. She keeps it that way so she can always distinguish herself from everyone else and not have to act like she belongs. It’s just an excuse for her not dating anyone ever. Literally. She’s still a virgin and everything, and she’s two years older than me.
What gets me is that it’s the same bag of bullshit over and over really. Every two months or so she’s in a different mood. Every minute really. But every two or three months she’s like a different person, it’s exhausting. It’s like: who are you this week? Did I catch you on a good day or are you going to be all puss? Go hang out with your black friends or something.
“Oh, you know. Should I call her back?”
“Uck.” I replied, disgusted. “I’m not in the mood for her bag of bullshit.
T laughs. “Yeah…”
“Call her.”
He laughs again. “Ok. I’ll have K call her back when we get back home”
“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what’s it gonna be, eh?”
“…huh? What are you talking about?”
“It’s from a book and omg what fucking flavor do you want?”
“Omg you haven’t boughten it yet?”
“Omg no because someone’s fatass dropped their phone in their pussy and had to pull over!”
“Oh whatever!”
“Whatever your whatever, I’m over it! I’m getting Kami anyway. It’s cheaper. Deal”
T laughs.
“Ok. He’s getting Kami!”
“Hell yes!” yelled K.
“Ok I’m out. And tell K to please save a clove for me.”
“She will.”
“Thanks! Ok bye bitch!”
“bye”
I could feel the glare of the guy behind the counter. He thinks I’m getting alcohol for underage kids. Whatever, that’s such fucking bullshit. I am, but that’s still fucking bullshit. He has no right to insinuate that I would do something like that. I’m not the kind of person who does things like that. I’m a law abiding citizen when I want to be. So what, who cares? Like that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. Like that’s the worst thing anyone’s ever done in the history of the world.
There are so much worse things; killing baby seals. Or all the CEO’s sitting on piles and piles of money while people are starving. Or that the Yellow River in China floods every year and kills a billion people but nobody cares. Like I could do anything to prevent it or help those people. It’s not my problem, but it is. What I mean is it’s not my place to try to help them because I can’t do anything. Those CEO’s and people in positions of power are the ones supposed to be doing something and helping them, you know? And this douche behind the counter is trying to say that I’m worse off than them because I’m buying alcohol for some fucking friends. Who cares if they’re underage? They drink anyway if I buy it for them or not. Yeah, it’s totally my fault. I’m so sure.
"I’m hungry."
I’m hungry but somewhere in this city someone is starving. Somewhere in this world people are starving, dying, and all I can think about is fastfood. Fatfood. Fatass. Somewhere in this world there is a person starving, a faceless person. My nameless fear, that I’m just like them. I’m no better off dying in this city, starving. I’m dying. I’m really dying. I’m going to die and all I can think about is french fries.
“McDonalds sounds good. No. Tacohell” Good save.
“Ok,” says T.
“Thanks.” I’ll live another day, but who cares, I’m dying today and I won’t live to see another day anyway if I die of starvation like all those African children. I can just see the flies everywhere. In their eyes, in their ears. I can taste them in my mouth, the emptiness of flies.
“But isn’t that the one off of 465?” K says out of nowhere.
“What?” T doesn’t understand “Oh, no that’s 65.” I always found it interesting how T can just pickup on anything we say. Blurts from nowhere about nothing were his specialty. I think we’ve been hanging out too much.
“69,” I correct them.
They laugh
“No really, it’s I-69”
“Oh.”
“But I thought that Tacohell was the one under the interstate,” K says, concerned
“It is.” I try to tell her, but she’s seems puzzled.
Flies everywhere.
“It’s ok, we’re going to McDonalds anyway.”
“I thought we were going to Tacohell?” T interjects, confused.
Flies on flies flying around, choking me.
“No, I’m not hungry.”
I can’t breathe.
“Ok”
I need air.
“Hey K, can I steal a cigarette?”
“They’re cloves.”
“Yay! Please?” She reaches into the box and pops one out just slightly for me.
“Sure, here.”
I take the cigarette and she lights it for me, attempt one.
“Here.” K wraps her hands around the lighter, shielding it as the wind blows thru the window, smothering the cigarette and my patience.
“Fucking bitch!” I yell.
T laughs. “Use mine!” he says, oblivious to the fact that no lighter could overcome the amount of air circling the wind tunnel of this car.
“I got it, here” K gives me her cigarette, her precious clove, and ducks into the floor of the car.
T laughs.
Now, K is and has always been—and I’m sure will always be—a drifter. A real Bohemian type, very European. A wildflower amongst the weeds of society. She’s outgoing to the point that she’s secluded; awkward and uncensored. K plays hopscotch across people’s uninviting toes. Every other person loves her, the ones in between fail to notice her sarcasm and stand appalled by her free spirit.
She emerges triumphantly! the lit clove in her mouth is a sign of victory.
“Thanks, babe, you’re amazing”
“I know, right?” She says half-heartedly.
“Hey T, you want it? I don’t feel like it”
“Uht.” K is crushed.
“Sure! I’ll take it” They laugh.
I watch as they attempt to discuss the significance of the Mayan calendar in foretelling the end of the world. 2012. Back and forth. It goes on forever. It’s the same every night. If the world is ending, I hope it will hurry up already, I’m tired of hearing about it. I’m so bored I could die.
As I stare out the car window, the wind blowing in my face, I see all the old factories, some still running. I hope my face doesn’t’ get wind-burnt. I wonder what’s in those plants. Do they make cans? Cars? No, that’s Detroit. What about the can of creamed corn at the center of the universe? Will anyone ever open it? I see a classic abandoned factory, a million square glass windows. Do you think the workers could see out of them while they worked? Did they always get their breaks on time? I wonder how Nashville is doing. It’s been a while. I hope the world does end in 2012. At least I won’t have to worry about student loans.
I wonder what A is doing. A was always my favourite. But lately we're just not clicking. I find myself just marking his texts as read and quickly putting them out of my mind. It's an obsession. How fast can I check a text without reading it and how fast can I pretend to forget about it. A race to erase him as quickly as possible. It's a lot of work to act like you don't care about someone you love. Like I'm not avoiding him, I'm just trying to avoid him. There's a difference. Like if I was avoiding him completely I wouldn't care, but since i'm trying to avoid him, I still do care emencely.
The reason is because I don't want him involved in what's going on right now. The same ol same old. It would tear us apart. Instead, I'm the one doing the tearing. It's better that way. When you are aware of what's going on and in control, you can always stop and reverse the process at any time. I can stop the charade but then I'll be bored as fuck. And we can't have that now can we? I will stop it in time. A is counting on me. He needs me to take care of them. I'll be back when it's over. It's all up to me.
So on a night like this it's easy to just sit back and let go knowing you are in control. The war memorial was alway my favourite. Well not really, it's my new favourite. It's a monument to the dead. Those fallen in WWII or whatever. If only I had died in that war again I wouldn't have to envy them and their gorgeous monument. I always wanted to live in a palace and wanted people to envy my home. The steps are my favourite. Flights of stone lifting people higher and higher until they finally meet me in the sky below the tomb. That is the kind of experience I want all my visitors to have. It's important for my death to be memorable and a dramatic perpetuation of stone and steps.
"Yeah I know." a visitor walks up the steps.
"I'm just not ready to go back." Another visitor in the shadow. He laughs.
"Yeah I know." the visitor on the steps chants.
"I don't care if we just got out." He laughs again.
"Yeah I know." At least she responds. K always tried to be polite
"It's just that I'm over it. This last semester was one of my worst." T exclaims.
I know exactly what T is talking about. We are always synched.
"It's only your second semester, you ass!" I blurt out. I always love bursting peoples' bubbles. T laughs and jumps from one stone bench to the other. I hope I don't mind. It's ok for tonight, he can skip across my monument tonight. It's just one night.
"My 4th you whore! Get your shit grrrl!"
"Grrrl!"
K is unphased filming a music video in the moonlight. The crew got here early and set up some gorgeous equipment to get some great light. This will be her best. She walks across the deis and descends the other side leaving me and T by ourselves. Finally some peace and quiet. We need to talk.
"So, about that. Seriously. What did you end up getting anyway?" I ask T
He laughs. "Well. Let's see. wow. One A. Two B's"
"That's good!"
"Oh honey... we won't discuss the rest." We laugh.
K in the distance filming her closeups in the courtyard. I need to edit her quickly. We must move on. Just a minute. I have to know more. I have to hear this visitor's marks.
"Was the absolute worst, even worse than last year in Bloomington. I'm so glad I'm out of the dorms again. Never again. Kiss my ass!" Turns out he was talking the whole time. What the fuck was he talking about? I'm such a bad friend. Seriously what was he talking about? The grades? His dorm? Some guy? He mentioned dorm. Dorm. Go with dorm. Who wants to live in a dorm? Disgusting.
"Yeah I know. That dorm was disgusting" I'm a good friend.
T laughs. "This place is amazing just look at it. I can see a music video here, look."
Little did he know that K was already filming a video right now on my monument. It's going to be her best video yet. And it's all because of me. If only i can get the editing right.
"Where's K?" I ask in passing.
"I dunno." Liar. She's been filming a video this entire time and he doesn't even know! What an idiot! No wonder he is doing so shitty is school. Fucking idiot. He's been watching this entire time, the lights, the set, the moonlight is perfect. I can't believe he doesn't even know she's spending millions of dollars shooting a music video on my memorial! Here he is in the middle of the greatest project in the history of humanity and he can't even see it. I must make him see it! I grab his hand and we run down the steps.
The sky is beautiful. One step. T laughs.
"Hold up!" Another step.
"Wait! I'm going to..." T interjects. Another
I ignore him and run faster down the stairs. They are endless. Each step another fallen hero hurling us into the sky. Each step a spirit casting all his hopes and dreams on me to protect the temple. I must rescue them and keep them alive in memorium
"J!" T exclaims. Another step. We're almost there.
"I love you guys." K professes her love to all of nature.
"I love you too, babe." The truth is I really do. I adore her. She's my divine inspiration. She can do anything. K is quite a spectacle. She's a goddess really. She'll make a great statue.
"I love you guys, you are my best friends. Yer my family too." T's epiphany.
The moonlight thru the trees inspired me to breathe again. I've never breathed in my entire life because I was saving it for this moment. It's just right. The moon loves me tonight. She has made me her child in the wood, this glorious courtyard is all mine. I have to only share it with K and T. I want to. I want to share it. Not just so she will think that I want to share, but so the Moon understands that's how I truly feel. I want to share it with them because it's the right thing to do. God understands, so she should too. And she will. I wonder what A is doing.
"What are we going to do?" K asks somberly. She's always asking questions. That's why she never has any answers. If you're constantly asking questions, you never have time to get any answers. I always have the answers to K's questions. Well not really. Sometimes I do.
"We're going to get the fuck out of here."
"Yeah." she responds discontent.
"I thought we were going to get more cigarettes." T always brings the real. This infuriates me and I lash out in the middle of K's video.
"No! We've got to get the fuck out of here! Here! I'm not spending the rest of my life here. I'd die. I spear to fucking God i'll die." A little steam.
"Yeah. I'm going back to Italy." K announces with joy. I don't have the heart to tell her.
"Sorry I ruined your video, K."
"It's ok." she laughs.
T walks puts his hand in the mold and begins weeping uncontrollably. It's my job to comfort him. I look at K and she walks over. We join our forces together. We were born to be sisters of the moon tonight, comforting weary travelors across the courtyard. My death must have overcome him. I want him to know that I love him I'm here for him and we are going to get thru this. Fuck the dorm, he will live in my heart.
K and I pick him up off the stone and pull T over to the plaque, a small alter to our heroes. He seems fine and is going to be alright. He always makes it thru.
"You'll make it thru, T, I just know it. You always do, babe. I'm here for you. We're here for you." I want him to know. K gives him a big ol hug and squeezes his ass. He laughs and dangles his feet like a child. K hops up on the alter and offers herself to the sky. She looks at me and mouths 'thank you' and we giggle in triumph. I don't feel so alone. Maybe I didn't die in the war afterall. Instead, I'm taken in by the city lights flashing thru the trees. I don't want to leave, I want to be with them here forever. And we will be together always. I'll never leave. I'll spend the rest of my life here. I look down and dangle my feet from the alter. I'll die before I leave.

E=MC²

2008-04-21T05:12:00.006-04:00

After many listens. I took time to edit and re-track Mariah Carey's new album

It's quite good.

Mariah Carey DEFINITLEY won the battle of the divas this year. E=MC² slaughters Leona Lewis obviously, next it destroys Janet's #3 flopped attempt at a comeback. Lastly, it completely snubs out everything Madonna is trying to do with her album. And to think that people wrote this bitch off. Ha.

You can DL it here:

http://www.zshare.net/download/1081184542de02bc/

01 Migrate (featuring T-Pain) (3:45)
02 That Chick (3:31)
03 Touch My Body (3:28)
04 Cruise Control (3:31)
05 Lovin' U Long Time (3:01)
06 4real4real (3:00)
07 Last Kiss (3:37)
08 Thanx 4 Nothin' (3:05)
09 O.O.C (3:27)
10 Once In A Lifetime (interlude) (0:36)
11 I Stay In Love (3:32)
12 Side Effects (featuring Young Jeezy) (4:22)
13 For the Record (3:26)
14 Love Story (3:56)
15 Bye Bye (4:27)

RIP kevipodmusic

2008-02-19T14:33:00.003-05:00

It's really sad and I didn't say anything for a week, but the premier internet Music Blog, KEVIPODMUSIC was deleted recently. Let's just be honest: this sucks! Everyone who's anyone knows that KEVIPOD had the latest music and news in the entire world. The minute the new Britney Spears leaked... KEVIPOD had it... the hour the new Mariah leaked... KEVIPOD had it. He was THE SHIT and now we're all in chaos trying to find where he's at. (His MySpace was deleted too apparently. Either that or he cancelled it and went into exile... lol)

So I'm really sad that he's gone... who else are we going to turn to? Seriously: i'm CHECKED out other blogs, many were his affiliates... and they SUCK!!! I'm so over it. :( And it's not like I can just get on the nonexistent Janet Jackson Forum which used to be a key componenet of Internet Buzz... however it was deleted last year along with the Mariah Carey Forum that was uphauled 3 years ago. Things haven't been the same and it's weird when yer so used to the NECESSARY fast-pacedness of the music world. We're literally set back to the 50's here. HELP!

Experimental Trend Set, Trash and No Star

2008-02-01T16:28:00.000-05:00

Former superstar Janet Jackson has been on the outer-rim for more than a decade. Ask different generations of listeners, and you'll come across 3 accounts of Janet Jackson.

Inquire a 35-year-old and they'll recall the groundbreaking and legendary Janet Jackson who gave us Control and Rhythm Nation. Ask a 25-year-old and you'll have someone who remembers the classic hits "That's the Way Love Goes," "Runaway," and "Together Again."

Ask a 15-year-old and you'll get a blank stare.

After her severe depression in the mid-90's, Janet escaped the shadows with the release of The Velvet Rope. An unprecedentedly raw, poetic, and urban odyssey of relatiosnhips, the album Miss Jackson created explored all aspects of sex, loss, emptiness, and moments of bliss.

Fastforward 3 years and you have a Janet that took a page from Mariah Carey and jumped the bubblegum pop bandwagon to keep her career going. Both artists had released their most intimate and critically-acclaimed masterpieces in 1997, but by the end of the millenium, had to compete with a new generation of young singers. Jackson and Carey both racked up 2 more #1 hits with the albums All For You and Rainbow, but as well immidiately entered a career parallel of flops and disasters.

While Carey climbed out of the hole with a reinvention of past success and 10 Grammy nods for The Emancipation of Mimi, Janet has been unable to capture anything other than bad sales and critical pans. To make matters worse, again, both singers are set against each other this Spring. Three Janet songs have leaked, and the lead single, "Feedback," has already flopped, peaking just outside the Top 50. Mariah's material is still unreleased at the moment and proclaimed by Billboard to be the most elusive and anticipated album of 2008.

The thing is that Janet Jackson, once an unpredictable trend-setter, video icon, and fashionista, is now reduced to a clone of the pathetic singers she single-handedly inspired. Jackson has run to Mariah Carey's songwriters and producers for a second time. Who would have thought that Mariah would be the pallet for Janet Jackson? It's pathetic really. Now she's rehashed Ciara's entire last record, The Evolution. (which wasn't a very good album anyway,) and the whole futuristic scene of the past 2 years.

I guess Janet's career really is over because she's come full circle, now mimicing the girls who's entire career is a play off of what Janet created 20 years ago. RIP babygirl.

FINALLY, The Reviews Are In!!!

2008-01-25T16:01:00.000-05:00

Alicia Keys

AS I AM

A solid effort from somewhat veteran Alicia Keys. She shows off her experience with 3 albums notched on her belt. There's little progression from her last record as many songs could unmistakeably be interchangeable between the two. Oh you R&B singers! Alicia still suffers from R&B filler syndrome with too many songs and most of them that drone on and are easily forgotten. However, the ones that do stand out are there for a reason, anchoring Key's collection of consistent R&B songs.

There's a notable and strange correlation between Alicia Keys and Mariah Carey here: both singers released critically acclaimed debuts winning multiple Grammys. Following with less successful, more emotional sophomore albums, they both made their third records live MTV Unplugged EP's. Lastly, both singers made little progression to their 4th release however successful they are. Key's "No One" isn't unlike Carey's "Dreamlover," overdone midtempo coos about love; Carey's search and Key's content. Both albums forgettable except for anchoring singles cherry-picked to perfection. Let's hope for Alicia's next album that she has a Daydream up her sleeve.

Key Tracks

"Like You'll Never See Me Again"

"Prelude to a Kiss"

"No One"

Mary J. Blige

Growing Pains

Growing pains indeed. The longer I listened to this bad record the more I wanted to shoot myself. Mary J. Blige surely must have been out of her mind when she decided to release this album of fillers and b-sides at best. It's a bad collection of worse songs catering to a predictable Adult R&B audience of insecure 30-year-old single black woman. Blige offers nothing but jaded advice of loving oneself that she's been shopping since her first record only with a twist of degraded quality. Throwing a bunch of producers on an album no longer constitutes innovation, it's more like suicide. If her last record was the The Breakthrough, surely this is the rush-through.

Key Tracks

"Feel Like a Woman"

"Come to Me"

Post-Daydream Nation

2008-01-24T22:23:00.000-05:00

After hearing RAVE and ridiculously positive reviews glorifying Radiohead's IN RAINBOWS, I took a listen. Unimpressed as I was I kept my mouth shut. A few weeks later I see Radiohead's pretentious psycho fans walking around YouTube and attempting to blast my comments about Radiohead offering nothing new or innovative to music. I stand by my opinion.

Has anyone ever heard of a crazy Iclandic singer by the name of... oh... Björk!? OR how about a band called fucking Sonic Youth? Yeah. It's funny because I just came off a Björk-resurgence and I've been on a Sonic Youth kick for the past few months. So when I heard IN RAINBOWS by Radiohead I was actually baffled by the acclaim its received.

Praised for its swirling guitars, droning vocals, and deconstructed sound... that's an entire checklist of the signature Sonic Youth sound. Does anyone listen to good music anymore? Combine with a futuristic synthesized electronic orgy of noise over pop beats... what else could come to mind but Björk?

So to these ignorant shit Radiohead superfans, do your research before you proclaim a 15-year-old sound "revolutionary" and "innovative." Put your Radiohead record on ice and play a fucking Sonic Youth LP. It's already been done so don't TRY to school ME on artistic merit. Besides, listen to the radio and everything's electronic and space anyway, how is this Radiohead record any different from a cut found amongst Timbaland's production credits? Radiohead just lacks the ability to write a constructed song so they take their session hissing and throw it on a record praying it will appear "brilliant" as Rolling Stone claims.

Rolling Stone also issues the statement that "All of it rocks; none of it sounds like any other band on earth; it delivers an emotional punch that proves all other rock stars owe us an apology." Fuck off, Rolling Stone and proceed to swing from Kurt Cobain and Madonna's ballsac.

The only thing else I'll say is how inquisitive I am to see pictures from the recording sessions of IN RAINBOWS. I'm sure you'd find cassette, CD, and vinyl copies of Björk's breathtaking Post (1995) along with Sonic Youth's immaculate 1988 release, Daydream Nation. I want those negatives. Until then, I await the battle of the Diva's: Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Madonna are all set to release albums Spring of this year. meow.

In Ribbons

2008-01-24T17:43:00.000-05:00

I love this old record so I figured I'd finally let you guys get my definitive version of it to DL for free. It's amazing start to finish.

i removed all the weaker tracks and condensed it to incorporate the songs left off the record that should have ANCHORED it.

it's a gorgeous etherial album WELL WORTH a listen. please listen to this record.

enjoy.

http://rapidshare.com/files/86367695/In_Ribbons.rar.html

Pale Saints

IN RIBBONS

01 Fine Friend (prelude)

02 Throwing Back the Apple

03 Thread of Light

04 Shell

05 Kinky Love

06 Blue Flower

07 Liquid

08 NeverEnding Night

09 Featherframe

10 Fine Friend

11 A Thousand Stars Burst Open

MIA: Mariah Carey

2007-12-18T15:19:00.001-05:00

Where is she already? Who would have thought that Mariah Carey of all people would be missing in action for almost 2 years since the winding down of her last album. It seems like forever! She's wise though because this new record is being watched like a HAWK with anticipation from radio programmers, Grammy execs, and the fans alike.

It's all playing out and setting up JUST like The Emancipation of Mimi, which so far, is a good thing. Around Christmas, you don't even need a new Mariah Carey album because you have PLENTY of her songs on the radio, particularly "All I Want For Christmas is You" which blares in my ear morning, noon, and night. All of this is actually more for Mariah's benefit that she DIDN'T bum-rush the record like Mary J. Blige did. And may I just say, Mary is getting her ass SPANKED by Alicia Keys.

So, as of today, there is no album title, no leaked song, no single selected, and no video shot. Harkening back to 2001, we all know why Mariah has to keep a lid on this shit. Do we really need another Glitter fiasco: stolen songs, Tommy Motolla, angry diva's, and flopped albums. *cringe* no thank you!

Letters From Bohemia

2007-12-17T02:12:00.000-05:00

"Seriously what the HAL!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!! I'm so OVER the media launching these epic campaigns of doom and despair trying to scare people into buying away their fears. Everytime I breathe there's a new flash warning about some ice tornado flying around shooting snow lasers down 67. Seriously wtf. But don't forget that global warming is going to jump up and bite my cankles when I least expect it.... I suppose all that carbon dioxide is encirlcing the eye of the ice tornado causing this Jewish pastry oven of flames shooting out the center of the ice tornado. WTF?!?!?! seriously.oh...and buy things!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do it today. go out and buy your happiness. do. it. today."

"I'm stuck on the Cincinnati-Kentucky border without a drop of alcohol or a magazine! I'm about to climb out the window and deice a bitch myself...or just hitchhike with a gaptoothed snagglepuss over the mountains!"

"SO me and Antoine decided that we've had enough of the government's taxes... state taxes, federal, the death tax, the head tax, the soul tax.... we were fine with that... we dealt with it accordingly....BUT when they put a SUGAR tax OH GOOD HEAVENS!!!! We're pissed!So since we're out of our stock of 1850's dynamite, we decided to drive to Selma and dump a bunch of tea in the Alabama River and start our March on Washington!!!It's a long road so we're readying a supply of babies to snack on. We're leaving the aborted fetuses in the traditional Cheeto's bag along the trail and remixing the trip for 2007! Sounds like a party!!!"

jer.'s Year-End Singles Charts

2007-12-14T10:52:00.000-05:00

THE TOP 20 SONGS OF THE YEAR

(the biggest, the hottest, and the best)

01 Rihanna-- UMBRELLA

02 Fergie-- BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY
03 Nelly Furtado-- ALL GOOD THINGS (COME TO AN END)
04 Colbie Caillat-- BUBBLY
05 P!nk-- WHO KNEW?
06 Plain White T's-- HEY THERE, DELILAH
07 Kelly Clarkson-- SOBER
08 Paramore-- MISERY BUSINESS
09 Alicia Keys-- LIKE YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN
10 Kanye West-- STRONGER (featuring Daft Punk)
11 Gwen Stefani-- THE SWEET ESCAPE
12 Britney Spears-- PIECE OF ME
13 Björk-- INNOCENCE
14 Avril Lavigne-- WHEN YOU'RE GONE
15 Linkin Park-- SHADOW OF THE DAY
16 My Chemical Romance-- TEENAGERS
17 Fall Out Boy-- ME + YOU
18 Taylor Swift-- OUR SONG
19 Keyshia Cole-- LET IT GO (featuring Missy Elliott & Lil' Kim)
20 T-Pain-- BUY U A DRANK (featuring Yung Joc)

______________________________

THE WORST SONGS OF THE YEAR

(the most annoying, irrelevant, predictable, and pretentious)

01 Soulja Boy Tell'em-- CRANK THAT

02 Reba McEntire-- BECAUSE OF YOU (featuring Kelly Clarkson)
03 will.i.am-- I GOT IT FROM MY MAMA
04 Maroon 5-- MAKES ME WONDER
05 Smashing Pumpkins-- TARANTULA
06 Carrie Underwood-- BEFORE HE CHEATS
07 Beyonce-- BEAUTIFUL LIAR (featuring Shakira)
08 Sean Kingston-- ME LOVE
09 Korn-- FREAK ON A LEASH (featuring Amy Lee)
10 Fall Out Boy-- THNKS FR TH MMRS
11 Jennifer Lopez-- DO IT WELL
12 Kelly Clarkson-- NEVER AGAIN
13 Chris Brown-- KISS KISS (featuring T-Pain)
14 Hilary Duff-- PLAY WITH FIRE
15 Akon-- SORRY, BLAME IT ON ME
16 Red Hot Chili Peppers-- SNOW
17 James Blunt-- 1973
18 The Cheetah Girls-- SO BRING IT ON
19 Jimmy Eat World-- BIG CASINO
20 R. Kelly-- SAME GIRL (featuring Usher)

Real Motherfuckin Talk

2007-12-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

Ok. What the fuck? Seriously who the fuck goes crazy and starts shootin people? I'm over it. Get a fucking life!!!

I seriously believe this rising amount of insane idiots that flip out and gun down people is a DIRECT correlation of how the media GLORIFIES them. The media is a media whore in and of itself. Every time one of these OUTRAGEOUS events happens, its blown so far out of decent proportion and continues to pander to the fears and insecurities of the general public. The murderer is portrayed in the media as some faux martyr who was "disturbed" and had a rough life *vomit* so there's this hint of justification in his massacre. There's no excuse.

SOME people need to get the FUCK over the fact that they momma's only hugged them 8 times a day instead of the recommended 12. WAHH!!! Get the fuck over it. You're 18, 21 and 24. GET ON UP!!! You're not the only person in the world that had a bad day! You don't see MY broke ass flippin out and shootin people. It's called reality! Deal with it.

But I am the most frustrated with and UTTERLY disgusted that the media releases pictures of these assholes and investigates their family and back story; they go beyond measure to find some epic history on these murderers. It's appalling, really. It really is. Then you have Americans who are SO shocked that some Rtard went ballistic... uh... HELLO? It's his last pathetic chance to have some "claim-to-fame," some crown of media coverage upon his otherwise pitiful existence. It's celebration is what it is. The media celebrates these events.

Follow the money: breaking stories of mass killings draw viewers. Viewers are consumers who will buy what you tell them to: Advertising is the Mark of the Beast. "While you're grieving... BUY THIS PRODUCT, you'll feel better... just in time to buy THAT product." Soon we'll all have chips in us to make our buying more efficient. I don't call a second death and eternal damnation "efficient." The media is a gaggle of panderers, worse than murderers. They sell and benefit from death, famine, and destitution while never having to answer for it. I tell you THEY WILL answer for it, oh my Jesus they WILL answer for it! omg... Sweet Jesus he's comin!!!

"Have you no sense of decency!?"

Chart Whore

2007-12-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

For those lurkers interested in SoundScan data. Here's my updated database of DIGITAL Female Album Sales. That's Female Artists, Female Groups and Bands, and Female-Fronted Groups and Bands. DIGITAL means the digital age of 2005- PRESENT. All titles eligible that were released prior to 2005 must have logged at least one week on the Billboard 200 for the calender year of 2005. enjoy.

(NOTE: if entry is listed twice, obviously the greater entry is the more accurate one. i'm only human. titles are listed as last entry or MOST RECENTLY available data)

(NOTE: for those ANAL and irrelevant SoundScan/RIAA assholes desperately trying to shutdown ANYONE who shares SS data, eat my ass. SoundScan data is a product that someone purchased and then gave to me as a gift. A gift is a gift is a gift. Business Law 101: Someone intended a gift, they delivered the gift, and I received the gift. You have NO claim to this data. It's mine now. deal with that.)
_________________________________________________

Carrie Underwood- Some Hearts- 6,064,112
Mariah Carey- The Emancipation of Mimi- 5,809,638
Kelly Clarkson- Breakaway- 5,792,708

Gretchen Wilson- Here For The Party- 4,268,497
Gwen Stefani- Love.Angel.Music.Baby- 3,758,950
Sheryl Crow- The Very Best Of- 3,598,400
Shania Twain- Greatest Hits- 3,466,154
Hannah Montana- Hannah Montana- 3,088,845
Fergie- The Dutchess- 3,024,443
Beyonce- B'Day- 3,006,743

Mary J. Blige- The Breakthrough- 2,983,365
Destiny's Child- Destiny Fullfilled- 2,930,200
Avril Lavigne- Under My Skin- 2,802,096
The Pussycat Dolls- PCD- 2,773,238

Ciara- Goodies- 2,533,203
Dixie Chicks- Taking the Long Way- 2,301,654
Faith Hill- Fireflies- 2,132,286

Nelly Furtado- Loose- 1,987,251
Hannah Montana- Hannah Montana 2/Meet Miley Cyrus- 1,844,361
Evanescence- Open Door- 1,796,137
Taylor Swift- Taylor Swift- 1,742,183
Corinne Bailey Rae- Corinne Bailey Rae- 1,720,301
Fantasia- Free Yourself- 1,633,200
Madonna- Confessions on a Dance Floor- 1,618,488
Gwen Stefani- The Sweet Escape- 1,596,524
Shakira- Oral Fixation Volume 2- 1,596,287
Christina Aguilera- Back to Basics- 1,572,653

Norah Jones- Not Too Late- 1,446,127
Keyshia Cole- The Way It Is- 1,441,694
The Cheetah Girls- Cheetah Girls 2- 1,362,892
Alicia Keys- As I Am- 1,349,602
Amy Winehouse- Back to Black- 1,323,699
Avril Lavigne- The Best Damn Thing- 1,289,695
Hilary Duff- Most Wanted- 1,270,601
Martina McBride- Timeless- 1,248,456
Ciara- Ciara: the Evolution- 1,228,495

Enya- Amarantine- 1,195,177
Carrie Underwood- Carnival Ride- 1,162,350
KT Tunstal- Eye of the Telescope- 1,156,457
Rihanna- A Girl Like Me- 1,155,255
Joss Stone- Mind, Body & Soul- 1,148,974
Destiny's Child- 1's- 1,101,985
P!nk- I'm Not Dead- 1,085,969
Gretchen Wilson- All Jacked Up- 1,084,912
Britney Spears- Greatest Hits: My Prerogative- 1,054,400

Celtic Woman- Celtic Woman- 984,499
Lindsay Lohan- Speak- 983,100
Reba McEntire- Reba Duets- 931,863
Sheryl Crow- Wildflower- 884,706
Ashlee Simpson- I Am Me- 877,501
Danity Kane- Danity Kane- 876,612
Reba McEntire- Reba #1's- 876,141
Rihanna- Good Girl Gone Bad- 855,515
Jill Scott- Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol. 2- 828,704
Shakira- Oral Fixation Volume 1- 818,600
Flyleaf- Flyleaf- 814,216
The Wreckers- Stand Still, Look Pretty- 806,670

Ashanti- Concrete Rose- 794,700
Sara Evans- Real Fine Place- 793,833
Miranda Lambert- Kerosene- 785,441
Alicia Keys- Unplugged- 761,215
Sarah McLachlan- Wintersong- 759,162
Aly & AJ- Into the Rush- 757,960
Leanne Rimes- This Woman- 741,879
Colbie Caillat- Coco- 736,034
Alison Krauss & Union Station- Lonely Runs Both Ways- 735,206
Natasha Bedingfield- Unwritten- 721,504
Keyshia Cole- Just Like You- 714,628
Jennifer Lopez- Rebirth- 702,121

Queen Latifah- The Dana Owens Album- 698,743
Kelly Clarkson- My December- 682,975
Mary J. Blige- Reflections: A Restrospective- 679,469
Kellie Pickler- Small Town Girl- 664,633
Janet Jackson- Twenty Years Old- 644,126
Anna Nalick- Wreck of the Day- 623,668
India Arie- Testimony Volume 1: Life & Revelation- 612,187
Missy Elliot- The Cookbook- 552,600
Tina Turner- All The Best- 537,000
Jojo- The High Road- 530,894
Joss Stone- Introducing Joss Stone- 523,027
Vanessa Hudgens- V- 512,849
Celctic Woman- New Journey- 506,580
Paula Deanda- Paula Deanda- 503,484
Cherish- Unappreciated- 500,537

Heather Headley- In My Mind- 495,862
Britney Spears- Blackout- 495,538
Martina McBride- Waking Up Laughing- 483,805
Fantasia- Fantasia- 473,471
Mary Mary- Mary Mary- 472,064
Trisha Yearwood- Jasper County- 470,265
Letoya- Letoya- 461,400
Alison Krauss- A Hundred Miles or More- 458,947
Rihanna- Music of the Sun- 455,493
Paramore- Riot!- 446,883
Regina Spektor- Begin To Hope- 440,685
Fiona Apple- Extraordinary Machine- 436,820
Celine Dion- Taking Chances- 435,263
Toni Braxton- 431,422
Barbara Streissand- Guilty Pleasures- 419,700
Lily Allen- Alright Still- 419,173
Faith Evans- The First Lady- 413,300

Jill Scott- Real Things: Words and Sounds- 397,642
Garbage- Bleed Like Me- 397,000
Feist- The Reminder- 378,893
Melissa Etheridge- Greatest Hits- 372,831
LeAnne Womack- There's More Where That Came From- 370,100
Diana Krall- From This Moment- 357,778
Trina- Glamorest- 353,553
Hilary Duff- Dignity- 340,892
Brooke Valentine- Chain Letter- 339,711
Ashley Tidsdale- Headstrong- 338,032
Amerie- Touch- 332,800
Katharine McPhee- Katharine McPhee- 330,316
Carole King- Living Room Tour- 315,524
Celtic Woman- Celtic Woman Christmas Celebration- 308,199

Floetry- Flo'ology- 273,032
Juanita Bynum- Piece of My Passion- 272,491
Yolanda Adams- Day By Day- 270,941
Imogen Heap- Speak For Yourself- 269,341
Miranda Lambert- Crazy Ex-Girlfriend- 267,944
Bette Midler- Cool Yule- 265,844
Lil' Kim- The Naked Truth- 259,500
Cassie- Cassie- 258,928
Trina- Glamorest Life- 257,200
Bonnie Raite- Souls Alike- 255,600
Madeleine Peyroux- Carless Love- 254,800
Jewel- Goodbye Alice in Wonderland- 252,555
Jessica Simpson- A Public Affair- 240,091
Chrissette Michele- I Am- 236,073
Lindsay Lohan- A Little More Personal- 229,600
Carly Simon- Moonlight Serenade- 223,300
Aly & AJ- Insomniac- 214,738
Monica- Makings of Me- 204,064
Annie Lennox- Songs of Mass Destruction- 200,699

LeAnne Rimes- Family- 195,378
Kelly Rowland- Ms. Kelly- 189,962
Teairra Mari- Rocafella Presents:... - 182,600
Bette Midler- Bette Midler Sings The Peggy Lee Songbook- 182,500
Gretchen Wilson- One of the Boys- 178,220
Lucinda Williams- West- 177,169
Carly Simon- Into White- 175,796
Sara Evans- Greatest Hits- 174,864
Natalie- Natalie- 172,900
Jordin Sparks- Jordin Sparks- 170,336
Camila- Todo Cambio- 169,793
Queen Latifah- Trav'lin' Light- 167,175
Paris Hilton- Paris- 165,366
Ana Gabriel- Historia De Una Reina- 163,537
Yeah Yeah Yeah's- Show Your Bones- 162,242
Loreena McKennitt- Ancient Muse- 161,683
Faith Hill- Hits- 158,659
Brandi Carlile- The Story- 155,490

Joni Mitchell- Shine- 150,936
Jennifer Lopez- Como Ama Una Mujer- 149,821
Diana Krall- The Very Best Of...- 149,309
KT Tunstall- Drastic Fantastic- 146,853
Pat Benetar- Greatest Hits- 143,200
Cascada- Everytime We Touch- 134,276
Lisa Marie Presley- Now What- 132,800
Stevie Nicks- Crystal Visions- 131,010
Cheetah Girls- Cheetah-licious Christmas- 130,300
Shawnna- Block Music- 128,260
Tamia- Between Friends- 127,766
Brooke Hogan- Undiscovered- 124,061
Christina Millian- So Amazin'- 122,154
Jill Scott- Collaborations- 121,461
Tweet- It's Me Again- 119,500
Teena Marie- Sapphire- 119,160
Alanis Morissette- The Collection- 114,500
Aly & AJ- Acoustic Hearts of Winter- 114,204
Patti LaBelle- Classic Moments- 112,800
Kelis- Kelis Was Here- 112,285
Vivian Green- Vivian- 110,100
Jennifer Lopez- Brave- 108,659
Chaka Khan- Funk This!- 107,530
M.I.A. Kala- 107,430
Barbra Streissand- Live Concert- 105,534
Tori Amos- American Doll Posse- 100,780
Melissa Etheridge- Awakening- 100,327

(there's more. If anyone is interested in titles less than 100k, email me)

Dear to the Heart

2007-12-07T10:39:00.000-05:00

I just want to say that Final Fantasy VII is my favourite video of game...ever. It really has a special place in my heart, among many others', and I absolutely adore it.

Oddly enough, VII is actually the FIRST game I EVER played on PS1. The whole story and the protagonist's journey through self-discovery is so fascinating to me. I really love that character because I see so much of myself in it like hardcore: He's completely fucked up and emotionally unavailable... perhaps a bit sexually confused? lol. He's emo. Cloud is the original emo. He's a puppet. He's fake. He's a creation, an artificial person. Half of what he says is the perpetuation of lies and the other half is so heart-felt and sincere that you become woven into this gorgeous pattern of crazybeautiful: endless possibilities of an infinite reality. That's me. A fake and tough-yet-vulnerable, confused 21-year-old emo boi. That was me at 12 and it still is.

Don't get me started on the soundtrack; it's easily Nobuo's finest work. It amazes me that I've literally re-played VII a dozen times and it intrigues me THOROUGHLY each time. It really is the story that captures my interest because it's such a unique departure from the predictable shallow storyline of many games. It doesn't venture too far off either though because the themes are still universal; the depth of the plot just supersedes anything before it. It's so much more than 'just' a video game--again-- the story here is so fantastic. Love! Carry on!

Life On Standby: Hawthorne Heights

2007-12-01T05:14:00.000-05:00

It was confirmed today that guitarist Casey Calvert passed away from a pulmonary embolism while in his sleep. A potential clot of the pulmonary artery is virtually unnoticeable, and when gone undetected, can result in sudden death. This was the unfortunate case for the musician found incapacitated Saturday.

Calvert was a member of rock group, Hawthorne Heights, on tour at the time of his death. The tragic news came during a barrage of legal issues with the band. During October 2006, Hawthorne Heights filed suit against Victory Records citing abuse, breach of contract, copyright infringement, and fraud. The label filed a countersuit, but was dumbfounded when a judge later ruled in May 2007 that Victory Records has no exclusive rights to the group (Doh!); however, the band must deliver two more albums as part of their 4-album contract.

It doesn't stop there.

On October 16, Wild Justice Records sued Hawthorne Heights asking for $138,000 in damages from breach of contract. In addition, the management team demanded 1/6 of all profit from the band's previous tour and sponsorship. Greedy fuckers!

I recently ventured to the band's fan forum and, to my surprise, all the threads had been locked. Apparently, in the wake of Casey Calvert's death, fans from other bands began spamming the message board so bad that the moderators of the site closed the forum. How pathetic. Show some respect people!

Hawthorne Heights has been working on their third album, the follow-up to 2006's If Only You Were Lonely. Because of the confrontation with Victory Records, don't expect the disc to drop anytime soon. As well, the band has cancelled their current tour; the same tour which they were trying to raise money in order to pay their legal fees. I hope the band comes out of all this victorious and with their heads up.

***Tidbit***Me and my friends Ky and Anthony saw Hawthorne Heights at Warped Tour '07. Right in the front of course. I said it then and I'll say it again, they were amazing.

Rest in Peace

Michael Jackson Reworks Masterpiece

2007-12-01T02:43:00.000-05:00

The King of Pop celebrates 25 years of the biggest album in history. The masterpiece, Thriller, is set for re-reissue this coming February with a host of special features and surprises.

The 8-time Grammy Award winning album includes a bonus disc of the Thriller videos and Jackson's legendary unveiling of the moonwalk on "Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever."

Highlights of the record are the inclusion of songs "Carousel," "Someone in the Dark," and "For All Time" which are not found on the original pressing.

Bigger yet is the enlistment of superstars Jackson hand-picked to remix four of the album's iconic singles. Kanye West, will.i.am, and Akon contribute production on reworkings of the classics "Billie Jean," "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'," "The Girl is Mine," and "P.Y.T." There is no info on whether Michael Jackson re-recorded vocals for any of the songs, but I wouldn't discount it. I expect the guest artists to have vocals as well.

There is a lot of potential here and I'm actually interested to see how the remixes will sound. MJ is known for either going all out, or doing nothing in terms of promotion. With the recent press release, it seems that Michael's camp really wants the world to remember why they fell in love with the King of Pop. After the child-molestation charges of 2003 (he was found innocent of), Jackson disappeared into obscurity, selling his famous Neverland Ranch and moving residence to Dubai. This was the best thing he could have done; out of the public eye for a few years, he's ready to drop this re-issue and his new album later next year, perhaps. I'll definitely be picking both up.

***Grammy's for Thriller***

Record of the Year: "Beat It"
Album of the Year: Thriller
Producer of the Year: Michael Jackson & Quincy Jones
Best R&B Song: "Billie Jean"
Best Pop Vocal Performance, Male: Michael Jackson for Thriller
Best R&B Vocal Performance, Male: Michael Jackson for "Billie Jean"
Best Rock Vocal Performance, Male: Michael Jackson for "Beat It"
Best Engineered Recording: Bruce Swedien for Thriller

The Album is Dead

2007-11-30T23:18:00.000-05:00

So in case you haven't noticed, the concept of an artist having an album is pretty laughable. Gone are the days where unknown bands could hope for a "big break" by getting a video played on MTV, or having a song chart on radio. Having a #1 single in 2008 will not even guarentee that an artist will go GOLD. Look at Rihanna: her smash, "Umbrella," couldn't even sell her album; it took three additional singles and a holiday season. It's really sad actually. It comes from two things:

the decline in overall quality of records
consumer doubt that artists can deliver a solid album

In the late 90's, the music industry pushed SO much disposable music in order to increase sales, and it worked. The year 2000 saw the highest number of albums sold in history, a whopping 785.1 million records scanned. The problem with that is how SO many of those CD's were anchored by a select few cherry-picked singles. This caused a general disgust from consumers that paid $14.99 for an album that sucked while the record labels laughed all the way to the bank.

In addition, the turn-over rate for those albums exceeds anything close to today. That's why anyone can go into a used record store, a flea market, or a bargain bin and find copies of the biggest titles before 2002. I'm talking Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and Celine Dion. Albums that have sold an excess of 10 million copies, yet for some reason are sitting in $0.99 bins across the country.

The total albums sold for 2007 is expected to be just shy of 500 million, down 34% from 2000. (a percent that has been somewhat consistant for the past 5 years.) This percentage is the reflection of illegal downloads. Saying that for every 3 albums sold, someone else got the album for free. It also shows the publics unwillingness to buy records they feel are not worth even $12. That's why I'd actually be more proud of a GOLD record in 2008 than a PLATINUM record 10 years ago. To sell albums these days, people have to REALLY like what they're buying; anyone can DL a song, an album, or a band's entire catalogue for free! In the 90's you'd literally have to wait until the album was released to hear it. No "leaks" or mp3 sites having entire albums a month in advance.

Downloads have completely changed the music industry. People are disecting albums, taking the songs they want, and adding them to their iTunes. An album? Oh, child, the album is dead! Welcome to 1955!

***Interesting Tidbit***
Usher's 2004 record, Confessions, is likely to be the last album in history certified DIAMOND for selling 10 million copies.

Er... Replaceable

2007-11-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

Beyonce is the whore of the music industry. Surpassing even Madonna in her glory days as the most desperate, packaged-for-sale artist, the product THAT IS Beyonce has irked me for years.

Post-Black Friday, the re-re-release of Beyonce’s B’Day re-entered the Billboard 200 selling an astonishing 73,000 copies (up from 4,000 the previous week.) Wow. People must have really been interested in her album… or not. TURNS OUT, Wal*Mart, the worlds largest company, had Beyonce’s disc specially priced at a ridiculous $4.99, the only album this weekend available for such a bargain. Upon hearing this, I scratched my head and yawned. How predictable: Beyonce needs a super-discount to sell an album people OTHERWISE never would have bought. *Yawn*

I grow weary of the games these media-whore’s play to bend, twist, and skew facts and figures to make themselves look better. I remember a day when this was disdained and found appalling by not only the general public, but from members within the music industry. The Debbie Gibson’s and Jennifer Lopez’s of the business NEVER won Grammy’s because they were dismissed as not even real arists.

Apparently the tide has turned and being an over-promoted product garners a person like Beyonce 10 Grammy’s! I find it hilarious how nobody says a word about it, or the fact that BeYAWNce—as I like to call her— is not above Paula Abdul, J.Lo or Britney Spears in terms of artistry. I’d actually place a cracked-out Britney Spears over Beyonce in a heartbeat. Britney Spears is a product and has always been self-aware of her limitations as a writer and as a singer. Even with disposable pop songs, I get a sense of authenticity from Spears that she sincerely believes everything she’s singing. And she never announced to the world that she’s some amazing songwriter.

Beyonce? That ho sounded with trumpets that she’s written every song she’s ever sung. LMFAO. She has her name placed on songs that it has no business being there.

Take a look at this old clip showing Beyonce's producer GIVING her lyrics as she scrambles to write them down. Songwriter my ass! Also note that Beyonce didn’t even know there was auxiliary in the track.

It’s worse than Lauryn Hill!

For those who don’t know, Lauryn Hill went to court (and lost) for taking the production names off her album in order to list herself as sole producer; the SAME album she won 5 Grammy’s for. Beyonce and her daddy, manager Papa Knowles, have been accused time and again for falsifying information. The most famous being when Beyonce boasted how she had written “Irreplaceable” on a whim after being inspired by her role in Dreamgirls. Oops! Turns out is was written by Ne-Yo, M. Eriksen, T. Hermansen, Beyonce, E. Lind, and A. Bjørklund.

6 writers.

Check out this infamous radio interview where Ne-Yo inadvertently exposes Beyonce’s little-to-no involvement in writing the #1 hit.

The truth is revealed! Beyonce is the whore of the biz. Lying, stealing, and hoing herself to the top, all while not having a bit of humility. Beyonce is just the aborted offspring of Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey. Everything Beyonce tries to do has already been done by bigger and better artists. What a betch.

Death Becomes Her

2007-11-28T20:38:00.000-05:00

Aside from the disastrous VMA’s performance that was somewhat out of her control, all attempts at a comeback for former pop princess, Britney Spears, have been rather… nonchalant? Yes Britney is stalked by paparazzi and yes she’s under a microscope, but why has she done nothing to shake the waning public image of her as a white trash mother of two? I really don’t get it, honestly.

The VMA’s fiasco was so much more than just “oh, she sucked.” I really feel that the general public was (once again) willing to put aside EVERYTHING bad, negative, and disconcerting about Britney and start anew. I really believe that. Even the first 10 seconds of her on stage with “It’s Britney, BITCH!” people were ready to make fresh. After that, well, the rest is history. Literally.

The problem from then on seems to be this half-assed attempt at a comeback. Combined with the prospect that Britney Spears has done virtually no promotion for her album, Blackout, that fact that it's certified GOLD is actually an accomplishment. *GASP* A flop is so “in.” Countless artists have flopped in recent years like its another notch on their belt. With Britney’s album, I was so surprised to hear the label didn’t even HAVE a promotional plan or marketing strategy for Blackout. This comes partly from her being on Jive Records which was absorbed by Zomba in 2002 and then Sony in 2004. For those who still don’t see the connection, tired-ass Clive Davis sits as Chairman of BMG Sony and still thinks that an artist can just throw a record out and have it sell. Clive Davis deserves a betchslap banana *POW* for thinking it’s the 90’s.

So Britney was basically fucked from the beginning. She’s battling Fed-X and Jive in addition to WHATEVER she’s going through; a bad spell of motherhood perhaps? Oh, you self-medicating southern woman! I feel bad for her because Blackout is by far her best effort, and during a most tumultuous time in her life. That’s why the songs have such an edge to them. It’s oblivious pop star with a twist of tweaked-out whore, the best of both Britneys! Even with the success of the lead single, “Gimme More,” peaking at #3 on the Billboard Hot 100, there has been little interest in anything associated with Brit’s music, only her image. And that’s a sad thing really: America created a star only to inevitably destroy it.

Hannah Montana VS Miley Cyrus

2007-11-27T23:47:00.000-05:00

When naming the premier female pop star of today, what singers come to mind? Kelly Clarkson?

Mariah Carey?

Carrie Underwood?

...Hannah Montana? These ladies have all sold an excess of 5 million records in the last 2 years alone, but one of them is not a real person; take a guess.

Hannah Montana is a fictional character created in 2006 by The Walt Disney Company in attempt to further tap the tween audience of 12-year-old girls and sexual confused boys. The boys aren’t the only ones confused! The real life actress and faux-pop star behind the glamour is Miley Cyrus, a southern sweetheart who shares her first name with her TV character, Miley Stewart, who happens to have the alternate ego Hannah Montana. *cricket*

Even Billboard Magazine, the holy book of the music industry, was bedazzled as how to list Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart/Miley Cyrus on its charts. All of this confusion adds to the ultimate question: how has this Hannah Montana phenomenon swept across the country? Ask General Manager of Hollywood Records, Abbey Konowitch and he’d surely gawk of what a great role model Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart/Miley is for young girls (…don’t forget the boys!) Disney’s entire bankability lies in keeping Little Miss Miley as innocent as they can for as long as possible. Cocaine, nude photos, gay rumors… OH MY! All in good time.

Disney is relying on perpetuating the revolving door of teen girl “role models” that dates back to the infamous 80's rivalry of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. The most recent spin on this were the tired Christina VS. Britney… and then Hilary VS. Lindsay ‘fights.’ Shockingly, no clear victors were ever named.

With Miley, there is no rivalry because her entire shtick is all about the quirkiness and feel-good sentiment of an ordinary-girl-by-day turned pop star at night. Can’t see you see how every tween girl in America can relate!?! Ahem. So far, Miley has hit a home run with her teeny-bopper Disney umbrella (eh!), but time will only tell who the “real” Miley is. Expect a semi-angry rock girl album next fall, or maybe a this-is-the-real-me hip-hop record in ‘09. Ya think?

Super Deluxe Remastered Ulta Special Limited Platinum Definitive Collector's Gold Version Edition Re-release

2007-11-27T06:38:00.000-05:00

Today, Justin Timberlake readies the release of his "Deluxe Edition" of FutureSex/LoveSounds, the Grammy-nominated album that took the pop world by storm this past year. Strategically arriving right on schedule for the holiday season, this re-release follows an ever-growing number of albums that have been re-packaged in recent years. The re-release is marketing brilliance from three standpoints:

it's money in the bank for the record execs; throw a few remixes on the same CD and re-sell it to the same people

it offers the eager and zealous fans a chance to buy another piece of... er... art from their favourite artist.

for the artist, (remember them?) it regenerates interest in the album and can potentially allow the record to garner additional GRAMMY nods.

So the re-release truly hits the nail on the head because it pleases the 3 fundamental parts of the music industry. The outcome, however, of a re-release ends in only four ways:

It saves a failing album: Shakira's Oral Fixation Vol. 2

The re-release fails to add any interest in the album: Beyonce's B'Day

It capitalizes on the success of an already-hit album: Usher's Confessions

Attempts to save an album flop too, and are usually scrapped: Janet Jackson's 20 Y.O.

Beyonce has got to be the most guilty of abusing the re-release. B'Day saw three seperate releases and is currently available in TEN versions. Desperate much? A lawsuit from one-hit-wonder Des'ree (1994's "You Gotta Be") caused the second version of B'Day to be pulled from shelves within 2 weeks of release... *doh* RE-release. Another case of Ms. Knowles illegally making money off of other people's work. So yet another B'Day was issued. A re-re-release.

It's funny because there were days when 10-12 track records could stay popular for years at a time, garner several singles, and allow a band to tour all through it. It really shows a decline in quality I suppose, or maybe just a complete change in the industry. Would Thriller have benefited from a re-release? Surely not as it produced Seven Top 10 hits!

The realization is that a consumer can get music in 10 seconds now; there's no longer a wait and rush to the record store to buy a new album. People get bored, that's where the re-release comes in. It's shady, but --hey!-- it's worth a shot... or 10.